[There's a pause as Natasha considers how to respond to that, or if she even should.
Eventually she opts for something like reciprocity.]
Alexei isn't my biological father. I never knew him. I know he was paid off and my mother was murdered when I was recruited as an infant to become a spy.
Alexei was another operative. When I was a kid, I spent three years posing as his daughter for a deep cover mission.
[ he takes a minute to marinate on that, the pause long. ]
I told myself for a long time I forgave my dad. He went to hell for me,
I kinda have to, right? Except I was still pissed, he still ruined my
childhood, screwed me and Sammy up...I dunno.
[ There's another pause, because while he knows he doesn't really need permission, it also...feels validating to hear someone else say that, that he doesn't have to forgive his old man, that there's no obligation to forgive someone who was so harmful to him in so many ways. ]
that makes sense. you know how all those self help books are, 'forgive and move on that's the only way'
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Eventually she opts for something like reciprocity.]
Alexei isn't my biological father. I never knew him. I know he was paid off and my mother was murdered when I was recruited as an infant to become a spy.
Alexei was another operative. When I was a kid, I spent three years posing as his daughter for a deep cover mission.
That's why he's dad.
no subject
[ not placating just - fuck. ]
did you actually like...get close?
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I guess.
As a kid? Yes. As an adult, I think I figured out how to forgive him for his inadequacies.
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[ he takes a minute to marinate on that, the pause long. ]
I told myself for a long time I forgave my dad. He went to hell for me, I kinda have to, right? Except I was still pissed, he still ruined my childhood, screwed me and Sammy up...I dunno.
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I think with something like that, parents, you forgive them for yourself. Not for them. If you don't want to forgive him, don't.
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that makes sense. you know how all those self help books are, 'forgive and move on that's the only way'
bullshit. no it isn't.
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Not us, one way or another.
You don't have to choose between forgiving him and being incandescent with rage all of the time.
Sometimes the best you can do is figure out how to think about them less.
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yeah, that's true. helps that this past year has been absolutely friggin' insane
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