[There's a pause as Natasha considers how to respond to that, or if she even should.
Eventually she opts for something like reciprocity.]
Alexei isn't my biological father. I never knew him. I know he was paid off and my mother was murdered when I was recruited as an infant to become a spy.
Alexei was another operative. When I was a kid, I spent three years posing as his daughter for a deep cover mission.
[ he takes a minute to marinate on that, the pause long. ]
I told myself for a long time I forgave my dad. He went to hell for me,
I kinda have to, right? Except I was still pissed, he still ruined my
childhood, screwed me and Sammy up...I dunno.
[ There's another pause, because while he knows he doesn't really need permission, it also...feels validating to hear someone else say that, that he doesn't have to forgive his old man, that there's no obligation to forgive someone who was so harmful to him in so many ways. ]
that makes sense. you know how all those self help books are, 'forgive and move on that's the only way'
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
holy shit yeah. you?
no subject
no subject
good or bad?
[ he kinda wishes his dad hadn't been. ]
no subject
no subject
yeah, fair enough
my dad was an asshole
no subject
Whining and complaining?
no subject
probably with guns and brute force. but also a lot of bitching
no subject
no subject
dad wasn't a russkie but he was a Nam war vet, came back with all kinds of issues. mom died - demon - and he just...went off the rails
no subject
How old were you?
no subject
uh
four
no subject
no subject
that's one way to put it, definitely
no subject
Eventually she opts for something like reciprocity.]
Alexei isn't my biological father. I never knew him. I know he was paid off and my mother was murdered when I was recruited as an infant to become a spy.
Alexei was another operative. When I was a kid, I spent three years posing as his daughter for a deep cover mission.
That's why he's dad.
no subject
[ not placating just - fuck. ]
did you actually like...get close?
no subject
I guess.
As a kid? Yes. As an adult, I think I figured out how to forgive him for his inadequacies.
no subject
[ he takes a minute to marinate on that, the pause long. ]
I told myself for a long time I forgave my dad. He went to hell for me, I kinda have to, right? Except I was still pissed, he still ruined my childhood, screwed me and Sammy up...I dunno.
no subject
I think with something like that, parents, you forgive them for yourself. Not for them. If you don't want to forgive him, don't.
no subject
that makes sense. you know how all those self help books are, 'forgive and move on that's the only way'
bullshit. no it isn't.
no subject
Not us, one way or another.
You don't have to choose between forgiving him and being incandescent with rage all of the time.
Sometimes the best you can do is figure out how to think about them less.
no subject
yeah, that's true. helps that this past year has been absolutely friggin' insane
no subject